Triteacher Unplugged

Generally, I am a nice person. Nice and good. Usually.

Scene: The gym.
In walks Jared Jockhard from the school where I teach. Note: I've never had JJ in class so I haven't had time to probe for his sensitive side. Nor should I even know JJ's POA or who he is. But he is the kind of kid who EVERY TEACHER knows. I had my first run-in with him my first year in this district. He's a conceited asshole who hasn't matured with age.

So into the gym he struts and conscientiously avoids looking at me. Two can play at that game. I don't acknowledge him either. Then my brain gives a little yelp... he's getting onto a spin bike. Hee, hee. I'm on a spin bike. And while Jared Jockhard could benchpress me, wrestle me to the floor and pin me in 0 seconds flat, he is no biker. And he has a HUGE ego. Huge egos like to compete.

He has chosen a bike one row behind and three bikes down from mine. Suddenly there is no one else in this gym except this little miscreant who called me a bitch and me.

My warm-up is officially over. Payback time, mister.

I know he is watching me and I increase my pace - just a little bit. I want to lull him. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see that he's matching my cadence. Time to set the hook. I ostentatiously turn up my tension and pick up speed. I do 3 1-minute reps, with 1-minute recoveries in between. Then I do a climbing set. Then another speed interval. Climbing, Speed, Climbing, Speed - til I don't know if I'm coming or going.

Neither does JJ. Covert glances reveal a red face, locomotive-breathing, and more sweat than I shed during my entire Ironman. I almost feel sorry for him. Almost.

I have one set left. Killer climbs. You come out of the saddle and turn the tension until you can't stand it anymore and then stay there until you break out, e.g. your momentum has built and you can spin even at that high tension. Then you let the tension off and sit back down for bare seconds cuz you need to repeat this as many times as you can in a minute.

JJ is still hanging with me. By this time, I'm sure he must know that I know he's watching me and must further know that this is a pissing match.

Then again, I never have been sure how highly-evolved he is.

Yet, the little sucker won't give. Damn. I do 2 more sets of killer climbs - one minute rests in between - and then I give. I go into my cooldown. I'm ready to call him the better man.

Suddenly, he gets off of his bike and staggers out into the hallway. I peek out the door and there he lays, stretched out on the floor, beggin' that baby for mercy.

"Hey, Jared, (surprised)... you OK (concerned)?"

"Unhngh... I felt so good on the bike. Now I think I'm gonna puke."

"Need some water or anything?" Obviously out of my depth; I've never cracked anyone before!

"No, I just need to lay here."

"Um... I'm gonna clean up my bike and then I'll check back on you, K?"

"Whatever." Huh, he's starting to feel better.

When I return, JJ has apparently mustered the strength to lug himself into the locker room to lick his wounds in private. Too bad, I was gonna ask if he wanted to do abs with me...