The Space

"Open Heart" and "The Space." I see a pattern in my blog posts. Or am trying to see. My parents are elderly and their health is failing. My mom is in constant pain and my dad is losing his sight. It is hard to see them suffer. I carry it with me and wish I could really carry it - take it from them and put it on me. Or at least a measure of it. But that is not possible. So what is there? 

I think... holding a space for them. Holding a space where my mom, strong fighter that she is, can keep working at her sewing machine and talk about the pain and accept my hands massaging her neck as she wishes. She is so tough and so resilient. She has determined to be so. Lord knows where she gets that inner drive. Well, actually, Lord does know. She is very much a believer in God and though I am not, I see the strength her faith has given her.

For my dad... the loss of his sight means the loss of mobility for him and my mom. She doesn't drive anymore. He is the grocery-getter, the church-driver, the one with wheels. But his vision is failing. We knew this would come and it has crept in ever-so-slowly but unfailingly. Or rather, failingly. He is not seeing the lines on the highways as well, nor turn arrows on stoplights. If he can't drive, who will?

Deep breath. Hold the space. Let them be who and where they are. Don't add my grief and suffering to theirs. Be strong, be true, be there for them.

PS - Re: Open Heart. My new weight lifting routine is the BEST! I had Gemini make it and I love farmer carries, tricep dips... putting on Queen and Nirvana and killin it. Fills me back up!